Discovering that the person you love has been leading a secret double life of sexual betrayal is devastating. I work with many partners who find themselves in shock following the discovery or disclosure of sex or porn addiction. For some there has been a history of problematic behaviour which may have been minimised or explained away, maybe for years. For others the sex or porn addiction has been well hidden and discovery has left them reeling with shock and pain. Partners are often confused about which way to turn in the early stages, and may be feeling distressed and angry, fearful about the future, extreme sadness and pain, and unsure if there is a way forward. I understand the trauma that is associated with sex addiction discovery and can work with partners to support them through this.
Learning to trust again after the devastating web of deceit which characterises sex addiction is an uphill struggle. I have worked extensively with many betrayed partners who are afraid that they will never be able to trust again. I work using a relational trauma model in a partner sensitive way, that does not make assumptions about what partners may want or need as each case is individual.
Some partners decide to come for therapy on their own in order to understand sex or porn addiction. Some come for couples therapy to work through a therapeutic disclosure process and to devise a recovery plan with me. Some do a combination of both. I work on a one to one basis with partners and also offer some partner recovery support groups from time to time. For those partners who live too far away to see me face to face, I can offer secure on line counselling sessions via web cam.